Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Things I Know of a Surety ...

* God has a plan for each one of us.

* He loves us.

* Everything happens for a reason. I know that God is capable of preserving us from all hardship; I also know that if he allows us to experience some hardship, there is a purpose behind it.

* I know that God works miracles in our lives; sometimes the miracle is found in the withholding of desired blessings. There is beauty and growth in these opportunities.

* I know that when a miracle or desired blessing is withheld, there is a purpose -- that such things will work for our good and for God's glory.

* There is beauty to be found in each and every day.

* We can learn to smile -- no matter what the circumstances.

* Smiles lighten burdens.

* God answers prayers.

* I can make a difference -- small though it may be.

* Life is good.

The Kids' Dad is Getting Remarried Today ...

and for me, it's a day of very mixed emotions. There's a part of me that is leaping for joy; he's someone else's concern now. He can no longer try to dominate or control my life. Best part? He is finally forced to quit asking me things like, "Do you miss me at all? Would you go out with me if I ever became free again?" etc. By virtue of the fact that he is making lifelong commitments to someone else, he is forced to completely relinquish our former relationship (which is, for the situation, exactly how it should be.) Now we're parents -- nothing more. There's a great deal of peace in that thought.

There's a little part of me that is small enough to be unable to wish them happy. That part of me watches their relationship and thinks that perhaps, they're a train wreck waiting to happen. (But then, who am I to judge? Obviously, so were we ... ) Most of the time, the logical, more Christlike part of me reasserts itself and points out that this may just be my own "Nineveh" moment. You know, the part where, like Jonah, I'm sitting on the hill waiting for the explosions that never come? Mind you, unlike Jonah, I've got better things to do with my time than to sit and wait for bad things to happen to other people, or to even waste effort hoping that they will, but there is still a part of me that is small enough to resent the fact that because of him and his choices, there are a lot of very difficult elements in my life -- that same part that hurts a little that, in theory, he's going to give her the life that he should have given me.

Most of me, though, really wants things to work out well for them. Even that little Jonah-like part of me wants things to work out well for them. It would be the very best thing for my kids at this point, and I'd give just about anything to see some great things happen in my kids' lives. Quite frankly, my kids need this marriage to work out well. They don't need to see another dangerously dysfunctional marriage. They need to see that marriage can be grand and glorious and comfortable and safe. They need to see their dad being the kind of husband that he should be, so that when the time comes for them to marry, they will look for a man who is kind, who has integrity, who lives his beliefs, and most of all, one who will treat them as they should be treated. So, while it's a mixed bag -- what marriage isn't? -- I find that I can, with all sincerity, say, "Congratulations! Best of luck ... "

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Miracles and Paradigms

It's been a while since I've written. Life has been just a titch crazy, and I just haven't had the time or the energy to pour into blogging. Lately though, I've been reminded just how very much I have to be grateful for.

I've realized that in all the chaos and distress, I was allowing myself to lose sight of the perspective and attitude that make me -- well, me. I was allowing the big frustrations and disappointments to obscure the small, everyday miracles and blessings. Pragmatism was becoming tinged with cynicism. I was forgetting that though I cannot choose most of the circumstances of my life, I can certainly choose how I view them.

As I've realized the small ways that I've been failing to see God's hand in my life, I've been trying to more actively appreciate His blessings. The world is a brighter place when I remember to look at how He's blessed me.

My world is not perfect; and I'm less perfect than my world is. At the same time, it is exactly how it should be. I've realized that, because my Father in Heaven has blessed me and my girls in so many miraculous ways, if a desired blessing is withheld, there must surely be a purpose for it. I truly, in my very heart of hearts, believe that everything happens for a reason, that God is a God of contingency plans, and that -- if I can keep my perspective and do as He's asked -- all will turn out for His good and mine.